What have I done!! We chronicle the outward steps of dreaming, buying an RV, selling a house , sorting, packing, planning. We fret about insurance, how to get our mail and Wi-Fi connections. Those day to day problems we must handle take our time and energy, leaving us with nothing but the dark hours of the night to face the real issues. I have five children, their spouses and eight grandchildren. That is 18 people that enrich my life. I have worked for 30 years with friends who have supported me through professional and personal adversities. I have a 97 year-old father for whom I have provided support and comfort for the 21 years since Mom died. How can I walk away from that? How do I shake the feeling I am abandoning them? Where is my strength to leave the friends that support me? Who will help me find the balance when my husband and I fight? What if I am not there to see my grandchild beam with pride after an accomplishment. What if those I love need me! How do I leave the life I have built?
And – I am tired. I have hosted 21 years of Christmas gatherings. Despite the support and help from my children, I ran full out for the days of their visit. Then I washed every sheet and towel I owned before heading back to work. Then I did it again each summer. At work I gave my all, often for more then eight hours a day. On weekends I trekked to check on my father. I have lived the busy life of a working woman with a husband, home and responsibilities. I knew it was taking a toll on my health and I ignored the signs. I did not know how to stop and was afraid of what I would lose.
We have all heard the advice to live in the present. Look forward, not back. Savor the moment. After tears and angst, I accept it is time for me to rest and heal. I will trust that my bonds with family and friends will endure. I believe that others with more energy than me will step up to keep my small world turning. I bow to my age, say “yes” to this next stage in my life. Let the RV roll and the adventures begin!